Archive for the Week 11: Need Category

I Have The Best Friends Anyone Could Ask For…I Don’t NEED Anything More! By Dana

Posted in The Blogs By Dana, Week 11: Need on January 20, 2012 by Cookie Has A.S.

This blog post will fulfill the the MOWer’s blog carnival topic “NEED.”  When I think about the word “need”, I automatically think about the word “want” as well. Many people tend to interchange these two words as if they have the same meaning, and in fact, these two words are very different in meaning. The word “want” is defined as:

1. desire something: to feel a need or desire for something

“We want a new car.”
2. wish something done: to desire to do something or that something be done

“He wants his steak well done.”
3. miss something: to feel the lack of something

“After a week on the road, I want my own bed.”
4. wish somebody to be present: to wish to see or speak to somebody

“Someone wants you at the door.”
5. seek somebody as crime suspect: to seek somebody in connection with a crime ( usually passive )

“wanted for two felonies”
6. desire somebody sexually: to feel sexual desire for somebody ( informal )

So when you “want” something, you could replace the word “want” with any number of these words/phrases: desire, wish for, would like, feel like, crave, covet, yearn for, hanker after, be after, be looking for, hope for, aspire or fancy.

When you “need” someone or something, the definition changes:

1. transitive and intransitive verb require something: require something in order to have success or achieve a goal

“Do you need any money?”
2. be necessary: used to indicate that a course of action is desirable or necessary ( used in negative statements )

“You don’t need to thank me; I’m happy to help whenever I can.”
3. transitive and intransitive verb deserve something: to deserve something, especially as punishment ( informal )

“Those troops need to be shown who’s boss.”
4. intransitive verb to be essential: to be essential or necessary to something ( archaic )

Therefore when you “need” someone or something you can replace the word “need” with:  demand, require, call for, necessitate, take, have to, must, should or ought.

When I think of wants and needs, I think of a desire (want) to fill what’s lacking or absent vs. something essential or necessary either to survival or something more basic, such as a requirement (need) to complete a recipe.

So why am I going to such extremes to show you the difference between wants and NEEDS? Well I think it’s important for everyone to know that food, air, water, love and shelter are needs and that candy, ice cream, shoes to match every outfit, and a designer purse are all WANTS.

In my life, just like in every one’s life, I have a WANT list. Many people make the list around the holiday season for loved ones to know what to buy for them. I make my WANT list more so to realize that material things are nice to hope and wish for, but they are definitely not the most important things in this world. I put things on my WANT list like outfits for belly dance, velour jogging suits, I-PAD, smart phone, new shoes, hair accessories, new furniture, new TV, etc.

Now to take this in a little different direction…I went to my hip orthopaedic surgeon on Jan. 4th because I was having increased hip and groin pain. My right hip was sticking more when I went from the seated position to the standing position. I was extremely concerned because 8 1/2 years ago, this is what it felt like right before my left hip completely collapsed. It collapsed in August 2003 and was replaced December 22, 2003. I began to prepare myself for what the doctor was going to say, all the while hoping that he would end up telling me that it was still the same as it was in May of 2011.  Well, my fears were correct. It is just about to collapse. The hip is a ball-in-socket joint so the hip is able to move in a full circle inside the socket. For me, the socket is resting on the ball, which is already flattened (not round), and the ball has a crack all the way through it. Imagine what the pressure is like on that ball! With all that pressure and a crack all the way through, it does not take a genius to figure out that it could collapse at any moment!

When I found this out, I didn’t freak out at all. I had prepared myself for this, and we knew this was going to happen sooner or later. I was prepared to an extent, but you just can’t prepare yourself for that specific day to be told that you NEED to have your hip replaced as soon as possible. I WANTED it to be when my son Michael was old enough to feed, dress, and bathe himself, but perhaps that is asking too much. Ideally, we would be in a city with lots of family and all my friends to be able to jump in to help us out, but again, that just isn’t in our cards. It would be super if after this hip replacement, I would not NEED anymore joint replacements. Sadly, I am still playing the waiting game with my left shoulder and both of my knees, not to mention that joint replacements do not last forever. They are also replaceable. My left hip is now 8 YEARS OLD! I was told it would only last about 10 years. OMG! I do not WANT to have a hip replacement done two years apart, even if they are on two different legs.

I WANT the surgery to go smoothly without complications~no problems with infection, placement, blood pressure, etc. I WANT to heal quickly. I WANT to be able to have physical therapy that restores my physical activity and range of motion to normal level. I WANT to heal in three months so that we won’t have to hire someone to come into our home after my hubby goes back to work for the fall semester. I WANT this new hip to make both legs equal in size. I WANT to get rid of the pain. I WANT to be able to return to belly dancing relatively quickly after the hip replacement~told you I was a type A personality! I don’t WANT to have to start all over again with walking, going up steps, driving, swimming, lifting my leg, bending my knee, sitting, standing, riding a stationary bike, then slowly lifting things, then going back to a normal day of cooking, cleaning, taking care of a baby (diapers, bathing, feeding, playing on the floor, chasing, carrying, etc.).

I NEED help with my son who is now 13 months old. This is what is giving me the most anxiety, however, we have it all planned and everything is in the works. I go in for surgery on May 10th, and my mother-in-law arrives here in town on May 8th. She is off work all the time on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays so to come in town she will take her vacation days in chunks. She will start her days off May 11th through the 14th, then the 18th through the 21st, then the 25th through the 28th, and so on…She will be here for the majority of May and most importantly on my surgery day and while I’m in the hospital so my hubby can be with me in the hospital while she’s with Michael. I will still NEED help in June, July and August. In June, my parents will figure out their schedules to come here. I have lined up others to come in the other months. In August, we will fly to St. Louis so my hubby can go to Memphis for a bachelor party. This way, I will have lots of family and friends to still help toward the end of my recovery. I have put Mick on a wait list for full time daycare for the summer months. If we struggle at all, we will hire a nanny to help with Mick’s care. After May, I should be doing most of my own care myself except driving and bathing. I will still be unable to lift 10 pounds, so no lifting up Mick! That will be the challenge.

Anytime you have an illness or surgery that prevents you from taking care of yourself and others like you normally do, you are forced to rely on others. Although I have been through a hip replacement surgery before and a shoulder replacement as well (as a matter of fact, I have had 9 surgeries in all plus this one now). We have been away from family and old friends for 7 of these surgeries and have done OK by ourselves so far. The thing is that we have never had a child until now. So now we especially NEED the help of others for the sake of our son! Well, we have not had to even ask a single person for help.

I find it interesting, and mentioned this in my blogtalkradio show, that when you have really wonderful, true friends who know that you are in NEED of help, they tend to pass the word on to everyone they know that you are in NEED whether they know you or of you or not. They tell their friends, their friends’ friends, their brothers, sisters, moms, dads, uncles, cousins, church members, members of their book club, people that serve them coffee, etc. Then all of a sudden, you are getting dinners from people that you think are coming out from under the rugs.  Well, they actually aren’t coming out from under the rugs. These people are coming to help you, because of people that love you very much. They know you are in NEED because of these beautiful, loving people.

I must have the best friends anyone could ask for! I have had so many friends and people I hardly know or have never met until now offer to help us out during the surgery and after the surgery and even now since I am having difficulty with my range of motion and getting around. Thank you, Angela and Rob, Kelbi and Sam, Susan, Samantha, Samantha and Troy, Debbie, Sarah, Rachana, Grace…and family~Mary Lynn, Mom, Dad, Ricky, Beth, Debbie…and my online friends as well who cannot help in person but in spirit and with support~Cookie, Brenna, Wendy…oh gosh there are so many of you, I could go on and on…if your name isn’t on here it is written on my heart! You must know that with friends like you all I don’t NEED anything more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I truly love you all! Isn’t it wonderful to know you are NEEDED? Guess what? You are also WANTED! I chose you all as my friends, so you all are NEEDED and WANTED, both such great honors!

Hug Me, Reassure Me By Kate

Posted in The Blogs By Kate, Week 11: Need on September 19, 2011 by Cookie Has A.S.

There are lots of things I need in this life but I try not to dwell on them. I push them further and further to the back of my mind until they are only a memory because most times, it’s almost impossible to meet my needs let alone a want. My first and most important need I have right now I could say is reassurance.

Maybe it’s reassurance the sky is still blue, Maybe it’s reassurance the grass is still green or maybe it’s just reassurance I am still breathing and the Earth is still turning. My pain reassures me most days I am here but sometimes makes me quite oblivious to time and date especially when it lasts a very long time but I need positive reassurance. I need to know it will pass. I need to know I will be OK. I need to know I will wake the next day and if not, that my family will be OK. I need to know I can beat this AS and I can beat this bipolar. I can beat the demons in my mind, reassurance, that I can beat the gremlins destroying my insides, reassurance.

God help me. I need reassurance.

Need By Jackie

Posted in The Blogs By Jackie, Week 11: Need on September 19, 2011 by Cookie Has A.S.
What do I need, I think in fairness this isn’t too complicated at all. All the basic stuff needed by us all, enough money to not have to worry too much each month, sufficient clothes to wear, food on the table ect ect.
Then the other stuff, I must have books around me, music to listen to, people to talk to(mainly on-line these days). When I can, I need to get out of the flat, to stretch my legs, to walk, to look in shops, smile at people, and feel like I am still part of the human race. Plus it is the only form of exercise I can do.
I also need a little help now and then, nothing major, but just sometimes, if those around me would simply think ahead a little. I do this when I am with my mum, I try to observe what she is doing, and often take over doing something I know she will have a difficult time doing, before she realises that I have done so.
No big fanfare LET ME HELP YOU, just quietly assisting her. I often need some help, and at times, if I am honest I actually really grudge having to ask for it. I wonder why no one has thought to themselves that what I am about to do will be difficult for me and so just take over quietly.
In fairness though, I think I am more attuned to this simply because of my own situation, and that is why I am able to do it with my mum. So a little subtle help, not stuffed down my throat, or ‘ I won’t bother as you will want to do it yourself,’ would be much appreciated.
A lot of that comes from the ‘not looking sick’ situation. If I looked pale and wan and in a chair or in a plaster or a bandage wrapped around my head, people would make more of an effort. I know when I am in the supermarket, holding onto the trolley, I can gaze at something on the top shelf, and I get no offers of help. If I walk from the trolley using my stick I find it easier to ask for help and people rarely look upset at being asked.
Probably also is the fact that having a chronic illness, people get used to thinking of you in one way and they don’t change that mind-set. They begin to accept that you rarely go out, so never ask, ect. You make your bed and find yourself stranded there!
I need to feel worthwhile and not just useless, nearly housebound, disabled boring person, because I don’t go out, doesn’t mean I might not like to, with a little assistance. But looking ok and the illness going on and on and on and on, being taken for granted sets in, invisibility sets in, and assumptions take root.
I need more of a life than I have. I need to feel alive, I know I am sliding into becoming the old woman with the cats and the books and the TV and that would be all too easy. I realise that mum is getting nearer to the stage when she will need more help, and I dread it, as does she. What use will I be then? But I will NEED to find strength and energy from somewhere as there is only us, no big family to lean on, or big circle of friends anymore.
I need to try to get as well as I can be, lose some weight to help with this endeavour, as mum would love to go to the USA one more time. Go to her favourite place, Scottsdale, and as I am at the moment I would be a real hindrance. You might think this is more of a ‘wish’ than a ‘need’, but we all ‘need’ something to strive for. Or we would just stay in bed!!
There is plenty that I want –  but that is another story!!

Need Or Want By Meloni

Posted in The Blogs By Meloni, Week 11: Need on September 19, 2011 by Cookie Has A.S.

We often say we “need” something when really it’s just that we “want” something. It’s really not a necessity just a want! Having ankylosing spondylitis there are some things I “need”. I need my medication. I need my rest. I need my husband to help me out at times. I need my rheumatologist. I need my comfy cloths that don’t hurt. These are just some of the basic AS needs.

But, there are other “needs” associated with my AS as well and those have to do with others. I need folks to just try and understand. I need to cancel sometimes. I need you to walk slower. I need for you to NOT tell me that “oh, exercise is good for arthritis”. Really…well, I don’t have “arthritis”. I have ankylosing spondylitis. I need you to not zone out after YOU ask a question about AS or how I’m feeling.

Truth is…there’s a HUGE difference between wants and needs. So, what are your wants? I want new shoes, new clothes, a new car, more money. Those are all things that all of us could say we want. But, what are your needs? Seek the difference between the two. For to often we really are just “wanting”. When you live with a chronic illness, the wanting and needs change. Seems the wanting starts getting less. I strive now not for wants, but things that I need–and things I’d love to have back.

Now, wait-before you think oh, now we’re going to the “wants” of the past. Oh, I wish it were like it was-talking economy here-no, that’s not what I’m talking about at all, while I’d love nothing more to be back economically at that place again. This is a look at my body back several years ago–not a look and say, “oh, I wish I was a size 2 again”. That’s just outside and vain. It’s not about how you look. I want to be able to go bowling. I want to be able to dance with my husband without pain. I want to be able to walk with the dog again. I want to wake and feel no pain. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. See the difference between the want here?? I hope so!

We take things for granted! We take our LIFE for granted. We are given this precious gift-life. But, how do we use it. Do we use it to just make ourselves look better on the outside–that’s just all a joke! What’s behind your closed doors–yelling and screaming or love and compassion. Sometimes I think we’d quickly chose to wash a strangers feet than wash the feet of those living in our own house! If your “house” isn’t right–then you will not last a chronic illness. I’m thankful my husband loves me through sickness and health…seems there’s more sickness now. Why does he have to live this way? I DON’T WANT THIS!

So, taking this from a blog I recently was introduced to–one where “Sara” is losing her fight with AS. Her body started shutting down and hospice was called in last week–all from complications from having AS. There’s not been a new post, so I wonder if the fight is over and she’s home resting with her Father–OUR Father.

“This is not the life I imagined for myself, but it’s the life I’ve been blessed with and I won’t take a moment of it for granted.”

So, I might not dance or bowl, but I will NOT live my life with regrets either. I’ll suck it up and dance a little ;)!

And another stolen line that I’ll be adding…
“My body is brutal, but I’m ok”! I am ok. So, that’s what you’ll hear from me! I have been sooo blessed and I will NOT take one moment for granted!

AS has my body, but NOT me!