Archive for the Week 05: Significant Other Category

Significant Other By Meloni

Posted in The Blogs By Meloni, Week 05: Significant Other on August 8, 2011 by Cookie Has A.S.

I think this entry is probably the easiest to write! What would I do without my significant other..Lang! I think of how hard the past 4 years have been as I’ve been diagnosed with a horrible disease. Something that I never would wish on my worst enemy…yet, something that not only affects me, it also effects my family and my husband!

He tries to understand what I’m going through and I in return try and understand what he is going through. You may be saying right now, but he doesn’t have ankylosing spondylitis….and I just stop and think…obviously neither do you or your significant other because that wouldn’t be your thought!

Chronic diseases effect everyone they are around! For those living with a chronic disease you know how important it is to have support. That person who will let you just lay there and do nothing because that’s all you can do! That person who stays positive for you and yet lets you be all grumpy if need be. That person who all the sudden must take on your roles, because you are unable.

For those that have a chronic disease and you don’t have that significant other, then find those of us who can share with you through your struggles. One you can talk with and cry with.

While I wish that AS had NEVER entered my body, I sooo wish that it had NEVER entered my marriage. Even though it has, it’s great to have someone who loves you soo that even in sickness they are standing right beside you. It’s not just my fight, it’s my families fight. We’re a team and nothing can come between us–not even AS!

AS may have my body, but not me!

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Take A Number Please By Cookie

Posted in The Blogs By Cookie, Week 05: Significant Other on August 8, 2011 by Cookie Has A.S.

May I help  number 33,000,001 please?

Customer: Hello

Clerk: How may I help you?

Customer: I would like to return this please.

Clerk: Would you tell me what is wrong with it?

Customer: Well it doesn’t work anymore. It doesn’t function the same as it did when I got it. It is very expensive to operate now. The repair bills are costly. It is in the repair shop at least once a month. It doesn’t look the same as when I got it. It isn’t pleasant to be around any more. It is not as enjoyable to use as it used to be. I am no longer happy with this product.

Clerk: I see. What is it exactly that you want us to do?

Customer: I would like a newer model or my money back.

Clerk: Well you will need to make a formal complaint with the Ankylosing Spondylitis Wife Department, the number is 1-800- AS- Sucks

Sometimes I wonder if there was such a thing would my husband look for my receipt to return me or get his money back. I know that  I am making light of a serious situation but humor has always been my way of dealing with things that bother me. Lets be honest here, in 1976 at the age of sixteen and nineteen, we had no idea just how hard it would be in the days to come to honor our wedding vows.

Does anyone really understand the true meaning of those words spoken on that special day. “Ronnie, do you take Cookie to be your wedded wife to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her so long as you both shall live?” I mean he wasn’t thinking in the back of his mind, about Ankylosing Spondylitis, medical bills, medicines, surgeries, grouchy wife, wife with chronic pain, crying wife, depressed wife, disfigured wife, stress, worry, and grief till death do we part. I wouldn’t blame him if his nightly prayer ends with please end my suffering and hers, and let it be over tomorrow. I assure you he didn’t have any idea his life would be this way when he signed up for the job of being my husband thirty-five years ago.

My heart is burdened with guilt for causing his life to be so stressful and unhappy. It breaks my heart to know that had he met me during this time of my life, he would not be attracted to me physically or emotionally, due to no fault of his. Oh he will deny it whole heartedly when I say this but deep down inside I know it is the truth. Sometimes I wonder if the kindest thing for me to do is to give him a divorce and relieve him of his duties as my husband. I would, except I love him too much to let him go. I try my best not to let Ankylosing Spondylitis change who I am inside but sometimes the monster comes out. I can’t do anything about the changes that Ankylosing Spondylitis is doing to my body. I am thankful there has never been a time he has made me feel as if he truly doesn’t love me. One of the most genuine acts of love he ever showed me, was during one day when I was crying about a huge surgery scar I had and how horrible it looked, the first of many to come. I was sitting on the bed crying, he came and knelt beside me and lifted my head up and said you stop that crying. I couldn’t it was just too much, I mean I am not pretty to begin with and everything added takes that much more away from me. He bent down and kissed the 9 inch scar that runs sideways on my tummy and said Cookie I love that scar. I gasped and said how can you? He said I love this scar and any scars to come, because it makes you well and lets me keep you one day longer.

I pray every night that tomorrow he will still love me enough to think I am worth the trouble and I pray every day that love really is blind.

In Sickness And In Health, My Husband By Kate

Posted in The Blogs By Kate, Week 05: Significant Other on August 8, 2011 by Cookie Has A.S.

 

My husband and I were five years into our marriage when I was initially diagnosed with the wrong diagnosis but it wasn’t completely wrong, it was close. I was initially diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis presenting without psoriasis. We were having a very cold winter here in Georgia with a few ice storms and I was 28 years old. I woke with excruciating pain in my heel, ankle and wrist one morning along with warmth and redness. My husband being concerned drove me to the doctor who at the time tested me for rheumatoid factor and gave me a referral to a rheumatologist in our area. The wait time was very very long- about six to eight months. I made the mistake of calling a different rheumatologist who would see me right away and they gave me the improper diagnosis of PsA. The rheumatoid factor did come back negative. My husband has seen me cry and fight through the pain, the emotion of not knowing what was going on, and has always been there to hold me through it all. Even when he doesn’t understand which is almost all the time, he is there for me. I may feel that he should understand but that isn’t fair to him. He doesn’t have this disease. He doesn’t have what I was later diagnosed with as ankylosing spondylitis by a better rheumatologist. How can I expect him to possibly understand a disease that he has never experienced in his life? Or to expect him to understand pain he has never experienced? I can’t. Sure I can give him an analogy of what it might feel like to have AS but that still wouldn’t allow him to fully get it. You know what though? I don’t want him to know what it’s like either. We have had our ups and downs in our marriage because I am ill but it has made us stronger as a couple. Sure I wish I wasn’t sick but at the same time it would make us completely different people, possibly less compassionate, less empathetic or less sympathetic people. I LOVE who I am. I LOVE who he is. I LOVE us. We are a beautiful couple and that’s what matters to me. My husband is my world, he supports me through sickness and as little health as I get too. I do the same for him.

Significant Other~Will Never Your Eyes, Soul, Heart By Dana

Posted in The Blogs By Dana, Week 05: Significant Other on August 8, 2011 by Cookie Has A.S.
 
 
When I first looked into your eyes,
 
I knew you would hold my hand.
 
On our first date, you looked in my eyes

and said, by my side, you would stand.

How did you know already that you loved me?

How did I know that you would never leave my side?

The eyes are the windows to the soul, you see, 

and we gave each other our souls as we met with our eyes.

When you told me you loved me,

I already knew

that I was in it for the long-run, sweetie!

Because I Loved You too!

Unfortunately, you were in it too,

and your long-run was quite bumpy.

My life ended up quite chronic and way too true!

When you said “will you?” you also got my chronic pain~crummy!!!

I said yes! without a thought.

I know you had at least one or two…

There hasn’t been one struggle that together we haven’t fought

because we are soul mates, and that is what we do.

For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,

If only we knew how hard it would be.

I never wanted wealth,

but one day with no pain would be SWEET!

You have made each day a little better,

and each night with less pain,

You have made me able to write this letter,

and given me a kiss that takes all the bad away!

Do I take you to be my husband?

Yes, yes, yes!

I would do it again and again.

You have kept me from becoming a complete mess.

You have taken on so much

from helping with our home,

to cooking without a fuss,

and most importantly–being my caretaker/caregiver all on your own.

You bathed me,

shaved my legs and washed my hair.

You help with our baby,

and you always care.

I have had surgeries,

even replaced my joints.

You have taken me for I.V.’s and helped with injuries,

and you have always been there, which gives you brownie points!!!

I will say “I do” again and again,

I would hope you would too.

In this relationship, I win,

but I hope that you would also again and again say “I do”.

I hope that just because my body is falling apart,

you will always know who you met,

when you first looked into my eyes, into my soul and saw my heart.

That person is still there and will never your eyes, soul, heart forget!!!!!