Feelings Of Guilt By Robert

Feelings of guilt can take on many forms when living with a chronic illness. I often agonise with myself when i look to the future and worry about whether I will become a burden to my family, when i can’t accomplish the things that i would like to do without having to ask for help.

I’m a very independent person and find it difficult to fully open up and ask people for help. It is a topic that I’m having to learn to come to terms with as I have to admit defeat now and again and keep reminding myself that somethings I just can’t do all by myself and not feel guilty when reaching out for help.

Looking back over the last ten years since the onset of symptoms from the early back pain and fatigue i am reminded that i have drifted apart from many good friends due to becoming less active and social than i used to be. There have been many occasions when I had to cancel evenings out drinking with friends or going to an event through tiredness and pain. Back before diagnoses I would start to think “maybe I’m just becoming a miserable old bugger” after a certain number of times of continually cancelling on friends the invitations start becoming less frequent. I feel guilty that these friendships were allowed to deteriorate before I knew the reasons behind my lack of involvement.

I have always been someone that has been, and always will be there to help out friends and family as that is my nature. It is my hope that I will still be able to take pleasure from continuing to help to the best of my abilities when people require it of me. This can be from a comforting word or a sympathetic ear and learn in time to be able to accept help from others for my own problems as easily as i give it with the feelings of guilt. In a way i should hopefully rationalise in my own head that the scales of the universe can balance themselves out. Or as Earl discovered in My Name Is Earl, Karma works both ways.

Being physically unable to do everything we once did, does not stop us from still being able to help in other ways. By helping out our friends and loved ones through support and love we can learn to not feel so guilty with our internal demons when we have to reach out for help and support in return. It is my hope that I can concentrate my efforts in becoming a more outspoken activist in the Ankylosing Spondylitis community and help newly diagnosed spondys to come to terms with the swirl of emotions that can overwhelm you when you become sick so they are more prepared for the mental as well as physical challenges that await.

We shouldn’t feel guilty when we can’t do things, we are not lazy or non caring people. Illness is by it’s nature restricting us from doing everything we would like.

 
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3 Responses to “Feelings Of Guilt By Robert”

  1. AMAZING

  2. Jeanne Woolverton on June 24, 2011 at 06:42 said:
    Nice Post, very well thought out.

  3. Endless Trax on June 23, 2011 at 16:06 said:
    Nice post dude. Love the My name is Earl reference. true dat

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