Chronic Disease And Guilt By Meloni

Everyone at one time feels guilt. Guilt can actually be so bad that it can consume you! Living with a disease such as ankylosing spondylitis I’ve had feelings of guilt such as feeling as if my family is suffering because I feel bad or can’t do certain things. As I sit here and type this, I’m thinking that guilt and sadness for one with a chronic disease almost go hand in hand. I don’t think I have feelings of guilt as much as feelings of being sad. Sad that I can’t do something.

I can separate the two as well…I feel guilty that I wasn’t there for my mom when my step-father passed one week ago today. But, that guilt is not because of AS. I was where I needed to be, but at that time, I needed to be 2 people. That’s guilt but not A.S related. I feel guilty that I possibly have passed on this terrible disease to my daughter–this is A.S related—and yet at the same time that makes me sad.

Gosh–guilt is hard to write on! Maybe it’s so hard because it’s making me sad thinking of what I might be feeling guilty for.

I feel guilt that A.S came into my marriage. My husband doesn’t deserve it. My children don’t deserve it. And my future grand-children don’t either! I brought it to them because it’s in me. I wish it would leave but looks like it’s here to stay, so I will NOT let A.S have me. I will fight and fight.

I do know that those of us with a chronic disease do feel guilt/sad when we’re not able to do all that we want to do. We wish that everyone would understand, but we know that you can’t unless you’re in our body–but yet, we’d NEVER wish you experience what we LIVE through daily.

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One Response to “Chronic Disease And Guilt By Meloni”

  1. Wonderul job you touched a part inside me I forgot was there.

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